Comfortably Numb

I've just finished a short walk on the treadmill out of guilt. I tried to help myself along with 1mg of clonazepam. I only allowed myself to sweat a little, because I'm too lazy to wash my long fucking hair. When I was done, I finished re-watching the latest True Blood ep, then showered.

Quickly, I dressed and came out digging around for seroquel to numb the horrific anxiety and a bit of my brain, that usually begins around noon or so. Better a numb zombie than freaking out and entertaining suicidal thoughts. If only I could numb myself with painkillers, and lay around alone and smoke cigarettes, enjoying my high all by myself. That's the way it should be, in my opinion.



Maybe I'll kill a little time on Twitter, I thought, since there's nothing on tv that I want to see and nothing that needs immediate cleaning. But fuck it, all that information, too many words coming too quickly at me triggers some anxiety that I don't need. I'd already been on at the ass crack of dawn, mostly posting True Blood related pics. Fuck knows why. I made a few wisecracks that just came off the top of my head. No, I don't need the stress of Twitter. I just want to be comfortably numb. Is that too much to ask?

Instead, I will listen to the Sookie Stackhouse audio books, refill my meds box, and hopefully become boneless. If not, I will make myself comfortably numb.