This is a mental health/mental illness blog dealing with daily life with words that are real and raw, video, pics, and music chosen by one fucked-up kitty. I am diagnosed Bipolar, with (crippling) Anxiety Disorder, and seriously horrific PTSD.
Sometimes it's a real treat of Freedom of Speech and Crazy to let it out, and scream something out in public when you just lose it, and let the stress out of your sails in one quick go, unlike the "unlucky" majority. Nope. Can't say everything is bad 100% of the time. Now take your meds and get ready...

This blog is permanently under construction/destruction.

Tuesday, August 6, 2013

No More Jello

No one wants to read a blog filled with pain and desperation. They're looking for happy thoughts they can take away, or messages telling them that everything's going to be ok. Just keep suffering and live through it one miserable fucking day at a time.

I'm not full of happy thoughts and messages to spread around. Reading things like that almost feel like a slap in the face from a family member, and being told to "cheer up". Cheer up. What am supposed to be cheering for? A life of misery? I can't and won't pretend to put on a fake smile, or pretend I can handle being around other people when I can't.

I'm tired of this long life I've had of so much pain and suffering. Ten days in a psych ward and any medications and treatment are not going to cure me. My pain began at age four and now I'm in my forties. Needless to say, I'm exhausted, and my heart's shredded like pulled pork. I don't know how much time I have left, but I'm going to try and grab what few moments of happiness I can, however short-lived they are before I end up finished. My memory has been destroyed, and I want to try to re-fill it with some short-lived moments of happiness that I can remember before I go.

And now for something completely different: