I'm not full of happy thoughts and messages to spread around. Reading things like that almost feel like a slap in the face from a family member, and being told to "cheer up". Cheer up. What am supposed to be cheering for? A life of misery? I can't and won't pretend to put on a fake smile, or pretend I can handle being around other people when I can't.
I'm tired of this long life I've had of so much pain and suffering. Ten days in a psych ward and any medications and treatment are not going to cure me. My pain began at age four and now I'm in my forties. Needless to say, I'm exhausted, and my heart's shredded like pulled pork. I don't know how much time I have left, but I'm going to try and grab what few moments of happiness I can, however short-lived they are before I end up finished. My memory has been destroyed, and I want to try to re-fill it with some short-lived moments of happiness that I can remember before I go.
And now for something completely different:
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